If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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