I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
