i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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