Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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