the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my shit smells like andre
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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