You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
