I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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