You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
