The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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