so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
