When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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