Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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