a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
