my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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