I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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