It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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