How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize