The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
