his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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