fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
