also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
