I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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