I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
