I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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