Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
