dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize