omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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