i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
