mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
