i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
