what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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