there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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