I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
