help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
