Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
