she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
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