I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You know, be my cock's hype man.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
