Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
