I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
