why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
