think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
