I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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