Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
