Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
