Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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