So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You are a genius and a whore.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize