I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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