yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
