And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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