so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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