i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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