we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize