You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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