DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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