I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i've created a new STD.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
