I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
