Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
