Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
