I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
