Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
