This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
