sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
