Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
