Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
