everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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