Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
