dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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