I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
