What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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